


weightless

by leighleighhhhh



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Death, Death, Drug Use, Drugs, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Love, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Physical Abuse, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-01-02 00:57:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21152945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leighleighhhhh/pseuds/leighleighhhhh
Summary: Obito Uchiha becomes a drug addict after Rin dies. Only she's not really dead, according to a random phone call he gets one day. Is his damaged unstable brain playing tricks on him? Has he gone crazy? Or is Rin Nohara truly alive, 10 years after her alleged death?





	1. intro

life is real shit, as soon as you accept that the easier it is to enjoy it because you cant care even if you wanted to. people always tell me im a narcissist, a sociopath. am i? because i dont care about anyone else when they clearly dont care about me? especially the people i used to know. especially my brother, who still comes around even after i make it clear i dont want him in my life. more like i dont want him to see what my life's become.

all i do is sleep and get high. its a life i love, i dont wanna do anything else. i want to stay in an altered state of mind, and i can. so i do.. 

"you cant keep living like this!" my brother, kakashi yelled at me one day. he'd come to see me for the first time in a long time. i was high, not sure off what but i felt like i was underwater, and his voice was an echo. i could barely keep my fucking head up and he expected a conversation out of me.

i sighed deeply, and turned my head to look at him. he still looked the same, like no time had passed at all. silver hair, same length i remember it, sticking in all directions. no wrinkles. not like the kind i see when i look in the mirror. "why not?" it was a valid question. why does he think i can just return to the old life, one ive only ever known with someone i cant get back? he's never really known me anyway, and we havent seen eachother since...

all he did was glare at me, look at me like im a piece of shit who wasnt worthy of his presence and he couldnt believe he even bothered to stop by. its how they always look, its what they say when theyre disappointed when they come to see me. which is every single time. "because you have a family who are worried about you." he looks ready to cry but theres not enough room for guilt in me. 

"its not mine," it's his family. he just wants me to know ill always have a place there, ill always have a reason to quit. he just doesnt get it. and this conversation is really putting me to sleep. i wished he would leave. hey, its my apartment, isnt it? i could just tell him to. 

he shakes his head with wide eyes, i think i see a tear but my blinks last too long and its gone when i open my eyes again. 

kakashi tries again, "youre going to die." his voice breaks, like its hard to say. 

i look down. why doesnt he see that i want to? im not going to say it. he should already know. i look at his face again. somehow i know this is the last time. so i try to remember what he looks like. silver hair sticking in crazy directions. he never listened to me when i told him to comb his hair. dark hazel eyes. pale face that i cant really remember what a smile looks like on it. he acts like our mom, but he looks like his dad. this is why i tried to cut him out of my life. i dont want to think about the times i shared with people who are no longer here. 

still, i never want to forget him.

everything will be easier for the both of us after he leaves.

"promise?" 

his face twists itself into anger and i shut my eyes, expecting to get hit. nothing.

i listen to the soft sound of his boots on the wooden floor. 6 steps. the door opens and slams. 

i feel weightless now. no thoughts cloud my head and for that im thankful. i hate it when i cant help but think. its better when all im really trying to do is keep my eyes open, and it feels so good when i let go.


	2. phonecall

its been awhile since my brother came in and out of my life again. im not dead yet but i wish i was because i feel like i am. does that make sense? i feel like a skeleton as i force myself to get up off the couch, drag it to the kitchen to feed it. a cup of water poured into my body. then something easy and fast to eat because im starving. but the fridge is empty so i slam it shut. i have to go to the store anyway, im almost out of smokes and need to pull out cash.

coughing, i slip on my jacket and grab my pack of smokes to find i've got 3 left. its a little far, so i guess ill smoke them all on the way.

i think its been a week since i last changed my clothes. i know its gross but its not like anyone cares, theres barely anybody around the streets. and im only going to be out for like 20 minutes. its warm, and clear. the ground is plowed free of snow but it still covers everything like armour. 

i have to admit, i feel fucked up and lonely. i feel like i shouldnt even be here, walking to the store right now. more like i dont even wanna be here. i feel like my very existence is wrong, i feel it in a pit in my stomach. i feel like turning down this alley and hanging myself. the nicotine calms me down, brings out the better part of my brain that tells me relax, youll be too fucked up to feel that way in a bit. 

im on my second cigarette when someone bumps into me, and my cigarette drops into the snow and it gets wet. i wasnt even halfway finished.

"fucken watch where youre walking, man!" i shout, turning to grab the guy but hes walking away quickly. i notice that hes dropped something as well, and good for him. its mine now since he cant fucken see where hes going. its a phone, a flip phone. and attached to it is a small note. 

"answer."

2 seconds later, the phone rings. 

this is fucked up right? i think of throwing the thing at the back of his head, tell him you fucken answer. but im actually intrigued. i flip it open, continue walking.

"the fuck is this?" i croak into the phone. i havent used my voice in awhile, nobody to really talk to. no point in talking to anybody, really. i dont know anybody, nobody knows me. except some dealers, who arent as paranoid as this. so who the fuck could be anonymously calling me?

"hey, tobi." a girl's voice. theres only a handful of girls i've known over the past ten years. they were all after money, and when i realized i couldnt drown out her memories by replacing them with others, i stopped all contact with them. they dropped by a couple times, a few hurting girls who needed to get high and i didnt know what it was like to be there. i never got a chance to hurt for it, i always had more. eventually, they stopped coming. maybe they died, got clean, found another stash to "borrow" from. 

i dont say anything but listen to her breathing. and she doesnt say anything either. im confused for awhile, i dont know why i even answer.

"hey."

she giggles. "how are you?" 

what? maybe shes got the wrong tobi. this is weird. i half consider hanging up but that guy and the way he bumped into me, the phone coincidentally being dropped? nah, this was planned. but still, could be the wrong guy. i hope.

"think you got the wrong guy." 

"no, i've got the right tobi."

"listen, i dont have time for this. i dont know any chicks, and i definitely dont wanna know you."

im almost to the store now.

"really? you havent moved on?" she sounds incredulous. shocked.

my heart jumps.

a few moments pass. im hesitant to ask.

"move on from what?" 

"from who." she corrects. 

we're both silent. 

i cant help the feeling of hope that rises within me. its something i havent felt for awhile but its totally misplaced. still, i wonder if shes calling me or they still got the wrong person. wishful thinking will get me exactly nowhere, and i know from experience. these drugs are fucking with my mind. cant be her. i wish it was. after all these years, im still thinking about her and wishing shit turned out different.

im about to hang up. 

"obito." she whispers and i freeze, drop the fucking phone.

my heart is hammering my ribs now, my hands are a fucken mess. half from withdrawl and half from this fucking ghost haunting me. maybe its my mind, im going crazy. i probably imagined that whole conversation.

because only one person knows my real name. and shes dead.

"dead." i whisper before stomping the fuck out of the phone. its in a million pieces now.

i get strange looks from passerbys but im still in shock, trying to sooth myself into steady hands and normal breathing.

the store isnt far now. i jog there, rush to the bottles. one jack daniels and a pack of smokes. i dont feel like eating anymore but i know i need to or ill be sick later. 

so i grab a pre packaged breakfast sandwich, the kind you just toss in the microwave for 2 minutes. fuck it, i grab 10 more so i dont have to make a whole trip for the next couple of days.

i pull out 400 before i head home. wonder what kind of high im in the mood for. i kinda miss cocaine, but it runs out real fast. and im not in the mood for a russian roulette game of pills. and that phone call gave me the fucking creeps, i just want to relax and forget about it. 

heroin will erase my mind, make me feel absolutely nothing, and thats exactly what i need.


	3. scoring

jeff's house aint that far from mine, i stop by before i make my way home. he's a pretty cool guy, you look at him and think he's ran away from a nursing home. which he actually did but you wouldnt know he sold drugs, is what i mean. 

"tobi," he steps aside, motioning for me to step inside. his house smells like febreze and cigarette smoke. 

"what can i do ya for?" he says as soon as he shuts the door.

"8ball. H." i hand him the whole 400 even though an 8ball is 350. thats why im his favorite.

it take shim a couple of minutes, but when he returns he has a dime bag full of white powder.

"for when ya down." is all he says at my questioning look.

"thanks."

after my breakfast sandwich, i turn on the stove and have a drink while i wait for the brown shit to bubble up. it doesnt take long and pretty soon, im deep underwater except i can breathe. i think. 

i do alot of it. i feel like a doctor when im injecting myself. and then i feel like im swimming, like my apartment is full of water and im swishing my way to the couch. i collapse into it and its the softest shit ive ever felt.

there's a banging on the door. its a nice rhythym. i think. i think im asleep on my couch. or falling asleep. and then i hear something. i should open my eyes, but theyre too heavy. 

everything just feels too heavy, pushing me down thhrough the couch, through the floor, through the ground and into an ocean of nothing. i dont know how long i stay there.


	4. picture

dates and time, numbers. if you can live without them, why not?

i think its the evening, because its dark and fucking freezing. or maybe its early in the morning, the sun just coming up? i like not knowing what time it is, what day it is. im just existing, feeling good. except i dont feel so good right now. 

my stomach churns violently, i know i wont make it to the bathroom. i lean over the couch and my stomach empties its contents. brown shit.

all over my jack daniels.

i spit. "fuck!"

its just about then i notice my door wide open. no wonder its freezing. theres an evelope on the floor too. i just about puked on it. theres writing on it. so i slide onto the floor, careful to avoid my vomit and grab the envelope.

'o.u'

my initials. fuck. my hands start to shake again, my hearts going crazy. what the fuck is this? some fucked up joke, somebody fucking with me for money? if they wanted money, youd think they show up the old fashion way. especially if they know where i live. especially if they can get into my house, find me sleeping and leave some sketchy shit in it. so maybe its not about money..

i rip open the envelope, and inside is a picture of her. before she died. i was the one who took this picture. it was summer, and we both just got out of school for the year. i knew she would make it to the next grade, she'd been so worried she wouldnt that i wanted to capture the moment she found out she did.

Short brown hair. Purple makeup on her cheeks. she smiled the kind of smile that has your eyes shut tightly because youre so happy.

i cant help but cry. why would someone do this to me? would my family fuck with me like this? 

my heart aches. its been so long since i've really closed my eyes, and pictured her face, allowed her laugh to echo through my mind, recall how she sounded when she told me she missed me. for awhile, it was too painful. but now, it wont stop. the memories, the feelings.

all because i finally seen her face. and its not even real. it will never be real. 

i try to read the number scrawled at the bottom through my tears and fold the paper so i cant see the picture. my phone is broken, i remember. so ive gotta use a payphone or something. 

as i grab my jacket and leave, i remember when she would wipe the tears off my face when we were kids. i always got hurt because i was reckless, she'd help me up and calm me. then she'd clean my wound and make everything better.

as i walk down the stairs to get outside, i remember how we tumbled down the stairs while fighting. it was an accident, we didnt see them. and when i fell, she grabbed onto me to try to save me but i was too heavy for her and she fell down with me. we both broke our left arm, and laughed about it later.

i shake my head, and reach into my pocket for my cigarettes. i need to calm down. i need to call this number, get them to leave me alone because i cant handle this.

"hey!" i grab a kid by his shoulder. "let me use your phone," i reach into my pocket and find a 50 dollar bill. really? no tens? no 20s? oh well.

his eyes go wide as he snatches the bill from my hand and i dial the number.

they pick up on the second ring.

breathing. light breathing, like from yesterday. that pisses me off. 

"what the fuck do you want? "

"come to pier 62." that same voice from yesterday.

pier 62. the park that rin and i would always hang out. from when we were babies, our parents would take us there. and when we were toddlers, when we were old enough to meet up on our own, when we were teens and even the day before she died.

that was the last time i went there. i heard it was closed, destroyed and made into a parking lot.

i dont get it. i dont understand any of this. who is this and what do they want? i hate this, i hate this so much i shake and this time its not from withdrawal or a breakdown.

"stop fucking with me!" i scream into the phone. i look like a psycho. the kid backs away from me slowly, forgetting his phone and taking off in a brisk walk.

"rin is dead! why are you doing this?!" i scream again.

i shouldnt be standing in the middle of the sidewalk, screaming into a phone. i might get arrested or something. i wouldnt care if i didnt have cocaine in my jacket. 

"shes.... not dead."

of course she is. i mean, i never got to see her body. they had a closed caskey ceremony, but her family was a wreck. and so was i. rin was 17 when she died of cancer, and heres this person i dont know telling me that she is not dead. this is way to much for me to handle. my brain doesnt want to process it. its just unbelievable.

funny how i said the exact same thing about her death but now i wanna say its the most impossible thing on earth for her to be alive?

because it is. how could she be alive? 

"liar." it barely comes out.

"pier 62."

im still holding the phone to my ear several moments after she's hung up.

i dont know what to think, what to believe. all i know is i want it to be real, even after ive already accepted she was gone. i was halfway to forgetting her completely. now im back in the beginning, when i ached for her presence. ill definitely go to pier 62, but first i need a fix.


	5. pier 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ya i actually dont know what heroin's like lmfao

the thing about heroin isnt that you love how it makes you feel

its how you need to feel nothing after you finally know what its like

like a sedative, only youre still awake

i still have the phone, and the picture in my pocket when im on my way to the park. its on the other side of town, wheres the buildings are nicer and the houses are cookie cutter. i feel good. im high enough where i dont feel anything, so i could take anything. even the news that my dead bestfriend of 10 years isnt dead after all.

shit, theres that hopeful thinking again.

its fucking freezing out but i barely feel it. i just wonder what ill find at the park. rin alive and well? a gang ready to jump me, or kill me? one of my family members? i dont know what to bet on. none of this makes sense. life just doesnt make sense. 

it doesnt make sense how you can die of a disease you didnt know you had  
it doesnt make sense how one tragic event can fuck up every single thing in your life  
it doesnt make sense how easy it is for shit to become what its like now

and it especially doesnt make a fucking sliver of sense how i had everything i ever wanted and needed and it got taken away from me just as fast as i got it

nope, not a clue how or why things turned out this way. maybe god liked to fuck around with people, fuck up their lives and call it a lesson. take people from us and call it salvation.

man, a person can only handle so much. 

i know i wont see rin there, even as i find myself excited and hopeful. ive started to get weird looks from people walking by so i think im almost there now; i see tall buildings and stores. mannequins wearing ugly clothes in the window display. i spot something that reminds me of kakashi; a green and black vest with sleeves. thats one ugly vest and something his nerdy ass would wear.

correction; something his nerdy ass would have worn 10 years ago. i have no idea who he is now, im just living in the past with my memories. hey i think i get that now, it really does suck; knowing theyre fully alive and well but something is dead there. 

i see the parking lot ahead of me, and nobody's around except for a few cars spaced out. turns out it was really early in the morning. the phone tells me its november 17th, 8 am on the dot. i stop, and scan the place, trying to pinpoint where everything was. 

im pretty sure im standing where the swingset used to be; there was only one and we'd have to take turns. rin and i would try and get here really early so we can take turns pushing eachother as high as we could go. once or twice, we'd argue and fight over whose turn it was. i try to smile at the memories but im incapable of it.

my stomach feels like its churning again. my hands are shaky. maybe i need another dose. i feel sick and scared. being here is awful, i knew it would be. 

i look around again, wondering if i could get away with a quick dose here. theres hardly any traffic, anybody around. quickly, i whip out the spoon and baggie. pour a little into the bowl, and hold a lighter steady under it. i look around again, a car looks like its going to pull up here. it isnt even melting yet.

"shit,"

i cant waste it though. the car is getting closer as it finally begins to bubble. i keep my back to the car as it moves, and i shakily try to fill the syringe. the car is parked far enough, but they just sit there. watching me? did they catch sight of what i was doing?

maybe its the person on the phone. 

i bend down, pretend to tie my shoe as i slip it off and inject in between my toes. 

it only takes a few seconds. the car is still sitting there, i know its them. how the fuck do i approach them? i dont have to, do i? they wanted me here, here i am. i sit down on a bench nearby and watch them.

i dont feel sick anymore but im sweating. its suddenly fucken hot. still, i keep my jacket on

how long has it been? the phone tells me its only 8; 15 now. yeah right. shits probably broken. its been at least half an hour. the car still hasnt moved, and im getting impatient.

so i pull out the picture and dial the number again. no answer. four more times and no answer.

im starting to get pissed off. they want me to come to them. what the fuck do they want anyway? i should just bust their windows and fuck them up. thatll get them to fuck off. but i feel too weak, as angry as i am. i feel sick again. stomach's churning again. the shakiness in my body has returned, but it feels different this time. 

still, i get up and head toward the car. it starts up as soon as they notice im coming. 

"fuck you! i came all this way for your bullshit!" i start to run as they hightail it out of the parking lot. fuck thats bullshit. i have no doubt its a family member now, come to see me and what a fuck up i am? but why would they fuck around with the picture too? if they wanted to see me, why not just leave me be when they saw how fucked up i was after breaking into my apartment?

this whole thing pisses me off. but too out of breath to react. suddenly, my vision is going black and coming back rapidly. i cant control the shakiness anymore. i have to sit down or ill collapse. i cant catch my breath. i cant do this. whats happening to me?

i lay down on the asphalt and think its the most comfortable thing ever. more comfortable than my couch. its hot again, but i dont have the energy to take off my jacket. am i dying? is this what death feels like? yeah right, i ran for five seconds and im dying? 

cant think straight. the clouds go by slower, too slow. are they moving at all?

my blinks are lasting too long again. its getting harder to open them up again. 

rin. man, shes all i ever think about. all ive ever thought about. i love to think of her when im high. it doesnt hurt then. 

moments like these are when i dont remember what it feels like to hurt. 

moments like these, im glad to be where i am. even if im dying on the spot.

dying. am i dying? do i care? i close my eyes for the last time, i think. 

and then comes her voice.

"obito," 

"rin," i hear my own voice.

i think shes meeting me halfway, wherever she is. i think i really am dead. but why cant i see anything? oh wait. her face appears.

ive longed for this moment, but i dont even know if its real.

"remember when we'd lay on the grass and watch the clouds?" she asks. she puts her soft, cold hand on my cheek. 

rin is here. thats all that matters. 

"stay," i dont hear myself anymore but i try to say it. "stay here."

stay with me. 

she shakes her head. "i cant."

theres an annoying noise getting louder and louder. 

she disappears but i can still hear her. and that annoying noise. "im sorry, obito." 

its fading now.

"im so sorry."

rin.


	6. who

voices. a woman's voice. rin? i try to open my eyes, but its bright as fuck. 

"rin?" i try to say her name but it sounds fucked up and my throat hurts.

"shh, dont talk." 

its not rin. i shield my eyes to see her anyway. its a woman, a doctor? shes doing something to my arm, probably changing the iv.

man, i hate waking up in the hospital. its the same old shit, they try and induce me into a psych ward or rehab. i say no for the 5th time, they have another reason why i should. 

they said i overdosed, and someone anonymously called the ambulance for me. it must have been that car. but i dont remember feeling sick. i was mad, i know that. i wanted to see who was in the car.

i think it was kakashi, hes the only other person i can think who might have known my real name. hes younger than me, and i took care of him when we were growing up. 

i remember the kinds of foster homes we were put through, one after the other. awful, neglectful homes with people who only wanted extra cash and for us to keep quiet in the room. kakashi would cry sometimes, i'd beg him to be quiet when the people we stayed with would scream at him to shut up. that only made him cry louder. and i'd take the beatings for him when they had enough. 

we went through some shit together, and came out different. so different. which is why he didnt know my real name, he always thought it was Tobi. even i forgot my name was Obito. man, its so messed up how things turn out. i dont even know who i am anymore, i never did. something was wrong with me.

man, i wish i died yesterday. maybe i did. rin visited me, in my dream. 

what did she say? i heard her voice. she called me, i think. from wherever she was. or is? 

"obito," it plays over and over in my head. i know i felt tired and i sat down. what happened after that? i must have passed out.

i try to recall my dream as the nurse checks my vitals or whatveer the fuck she's doing, fucking with the needles in my arm and hand. 

what did she say? my name, she called me. then she told me something? or asked me something?

remember when? she said remember when, but remember what? i close my eyes and hear her voice say my name, over and over.

"obito."

"remmeber when we'd lay here-"

i jump forward, scaring the nurse. she lets out a little yelp. my hands are shaking again. rin said, remember when we'd lay here.

here? there at pier 62? i do remember. rin and i would lay on the grass whenever either of us was having a shit day. we didnt talk, we just laid beside eachother and watch the clouds.

one time, one single time; she reached over and held my hand. i had started crying when she did that, it was embarassing.

i have to call the number again. why the fuck did they know my name? why the fuck did they know where rin and i would hang out? they wouldnt set up a specific place like that for money or drugs. 

theres no doubt in my mind it was kakashi. 

the nurse is still scared, but i dont care. i have to find that number. where is my stuff?

"do you know where my stuff are? the things i had with me earlier?"

my phone. the picture.

she picks up a bag beside my bed and hands it to me. inside was my jacket and pants, the paper and phone.

"thank you,"

my voice is still fucked. i slowly remove the tape holding the iv needles in place.

"sir, you cant leave yet-"

"i have to go." i take out the needles in my hand carefully. 

"you have a hospital bill-"

"i can pay it." i take my pants out of the bag. 

"we'll need your-"

"yeah, okay. i'll-i'll write it down." 

im slipping my pants on now and she turns away, red cheeked. 

after i fill out their form, i take off back to my house for a fix and a phone call.

the number doesnt answer when i call. so i call kakashi instead.

"whos this," is all he says when he answers.   
"your dear brother." i spit.

a long pause.

"tobi? why are you calling me?" he sounds annoyed. 

wasnt it like 4 days ago he was begging me to come back in his life?

"i know its you." 

"what?"

"the phone call? the picture? dont fucken play stupid with me, youre the only other person who knows my real name!"

another long pause.

"real name?" kakashi asks softly. "your name.. isnt Tobi?"

he almost sounds convincing.

"fuck you kakashi! you know how much rin meant to me, why the fuck are you doing this to me?!" my voice cracks.

"i dont know what youre talking about, and i dont know who the fuck you are so why would i waste my time with you?" 

i pause. the words sink in. he sounds so mean, hateful. but im high right now, i cant feel the hurt that would otherwise pierce my heart if i were sober.

still, i dont know what to say.

"it has to be you. i-i dont know who else-"

"its not me. the drugs are making you crazy. and i told you, im done trying. so stay out of my life. dont call again."

i keep the phone to my ear even after he hangs up.

man ive never felt so abandoned before. but this is what i wanted, right? to live my life to die, make them hate me so it doesnt hurt when i do? right. but what the fuck do i do now?


	7. thoughts

some things cant be undone, unsaid. some pain just wont be numbed, or maybe its the things you use to feel numb that cause the pain. they said drugs and alcohol make everything worse, i think i get that now. and right when its way too late. you just cant shed yourself of something thats grown to become apart of you, become one with you, something you not only want and need but enjoy. its fucking impossible, no matter how well you understand what it does to your mind and body and life. i guess i could induce myself into a rehab center, but they always let you sign yourself out. and knowing that i can just do whatever i want until i die when thats all i want to do? i wouldnt survive in there, wont survive out here. what if i just donate everything to charities and kakashi and kill myself? so easy but a waste. and i love this feeling, why would i want to die when i can feel like this? 

my phone rings. well , the kids phone. must be his contacts, so i let it go to voicemail. but it keeps fucking ringing. and i keep fucking living. 

man, why the fuck would anyone want to stay alive in this shithole? the very ground we stand on is dying, the population is increasing with no hopes of sustaining it. for the first time, im glad rin died when she did. she didnt have to see the most fucked up thing i couldnt even imagine, didnt have to curl in a ball in the corner and cry until her lungs fucking ached, didnt have to find out what it means to die while your heart is still beating. all those who survive this world become trash, so dont ever wish for those who are gone because theyre lucky to not still be suffering with you. with us. i can end it all right now, i can take my whole stash and overdose. fall deeper than ive ever been before. its so easy, but my fears still hold me back. i dont wanna go back to the moment i see the grim reaper coming to take my soul. it was the scariest thing ive ever experienced.

it was my apartment, right. and i was sitting on my sad couch and i found that i couldnt move. i didnt even really want to, but when i noticed i couldnt, i got so scared. and i started to move, but it wasnt my brain. i was slipping onto the floor, and i laid there for awhile. i heard something, a bang on the wall. i tried to look behind me, as far as my eyeball would go. there was someone coming towards me, a shadow. i knew it was him, i knew i was going to die. but i had enough life in me to scream my lungs out. and he just left me alone, i woke up in the hospital the next day. its just something about the grim reaper that makes everything made up seem so real. like hell, demons. and heaven. hell cant exist without heaven, and if that means rin gets to stay in paradise while i live to die and go to hell? why not. man, this is really the worst place to be. stuck with your addiction, wanting to feed it but knowing you shouldnt. but you can and you know you will no matter how much you try and convince yourself youre stronger than this, but inevitable ill give in because theres nothing to be strong for, nothing to get clean for, nobody to make proud, nothing to live for. the only thing that makes is easier is what youre addicted to. its just fucking hard overall. would i be like this if i listened to my brother when he asked me to go to therapy? grief counseling, odd jobs, weekly therapy. i never wanted to live though. never wanted to raise my brother, but i couldnt leave him alone in those foster homes. i never wanted to work, but i couldnt leave him without food. i never wanted to go to school, but he started to think it was okay not to. i never wanted to fall in love, i never wanted this million dollar cashout, i never wanted to get hooked on heroin. never wanted any of it, but here i have it.

and just what the fuck do i do? i've got two options; do the right thing and kill myself or just say fuck it. honestly both are appealing, but suddenly a third rings my apartment phone, which i never use because its attached to the wall and they jack up the rent if i used it. 

"hello?" i whisper into the phone.

"obito. its me, rin." 

suddenly, im not a 27 year old drug addict. im a 17 year old boy, standing in the back of his part time job getting the news that his girlfriend is dead. i was wearing the big ass retarded hotdog hat and yellow apron. can you imagine a skinny kid wearing that shit just bawling his eyes out on the street? how long has it been since i answered the phone? am i hallucinating?

"rin?"

"yes. i swear, on maria's grave, its me."

all the breath is stolen from my lungs. maria was kakashi's first pet. i got him a puppy for his birthday, and i dont know why he named it maria but he did. it died 12 months later, and rin and i spent the whole day trying to cheer him up. we always said, on maria's grave im not lying. its her, for real, its rin. everything i tried to forget, and really forgot from years of dug abuse just comes back. because the possibility of everything going back to the way it was is here again. and i cant help but fucking cry.

"im sorry, im so sorry. obito, hey?" she repeats as i sob into the phone. and suddenly it stops. 

"obit-"

silence. i sniffle and sob myself to silence to listen to the phone. "rin?" nothing. i hear a click, and it makes the long dreadful noise when nobody is on the line. and i dont know how long i stand there in shock from the rollercoaster of emotions.


	8. memory

17 years ago

Obito watched as Rin talked to her friend on the swingset, swinging back and forth and laughing. He'd been watching her for awhile now, admiring the way she was happy and free, not having to worry for obito and his problems. Even at such a young age, Obito had been forced to grow up and his mind was more developed than others. He could see how much time she sacrificed to be with him because he was completely alone otherwise. She hadn't noticed him yet, and he was going to approach her when another kid stopped him.

"Hey, Obito." 

Robin was a big kid who failed two grades already. Beside him were Ogle and Jim. They were in the same grade at school and often did hectic things to anger their teachers. It was fun and the closest thing that Obito had to friends, other than Rin. Rin was different, she was family.

"Hi Robin." Obito smiled brightly, only to get clocked in the chin which sent him to the ground on his ass. Hurt flashed in his eyes briefly before confusion, then anger. All Robin did was stare down at him, fists balled. Ogle was surprised and Jim was laughing.

"Hey, whats the big idea?!" Obito shouted, not daring to get up lest he get pummelled.

"I heard the things you and Rin were saying about us. Someone told me!" Robin stared him in the face, hard and cold featured twisted into anger. It was always like that. 

"I never said anything about you!" Obito shouted, fear seeping into his heart. This was trouble and Obito hated trouble, there was more than enough of it in his life already. He glanced at Rin, hoping she would see what was happening but nobody did.

"Liar! The girls told us everything!" Jim accused.

Obito can only recall talking to Rin about his new friends. He told her they were loud and troublesome, but they were better than nobody. But Rin wouldnt tell anyone the stuff he says, right? She was still smiling and talking with her friend. Obito didnt know what to do or say. He just wanted out of the situation. It always ended badly.

-

Rin laughed again as her friend sang Obito and Rin sitting in a tree.

"Stop, he's like my brother." she blushed. the statement wasnt entirely true. she'd had feelings for obito but didnt understand what they meant just yet. And speaking of the devil, a figure was approaching the two at the corner of her eye. Rin glanced forward to see Obito slightly limping towards Rin with blood seeping from his nose and through his fingers. she gasped and hopped off the swing.

"Obito!" Rin rushed to his aid, as always. "What happened? here, sit down." she guided him to a footpath with stairs. Obito shrugged. If he tried to talk, his voice would betray him. He swallowed the lump and clenched his eyes shut, pretending it was the pain of his nose but really, he was still shook up about the whole thing.

"Here." she gently took his hand and held a tisue to his nose. where she got it from, he didnt know. But she always carried a mini first aid kit with her. Obito was always getting into trouble. Finally, he found his voice.

"i tripped." he lied. "was just so excited to see you that i had to rush." that was true, though. 

Rin smiled fondly at him. She wiped the rest of the blood off and tilted his head all the way back. he had a bruise on his chin as well, but she didnt mention that.

"You better be more careful. I'm always going to be there, you know. No need to rush." 

Obito sighed. If only she knew. But there were times when the truth would only cause more trouble. Like now. If Rin knew what happened, she'd no doubt confront the boys and they'd come after him again. "Okay." he smiled.

-


	9. dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How the fuck y’all put shit in italics smh. Just pretend rin’s words are in italics until I figure it out

The trace code doesn’t work, no matter how many times I dial star-six-nine. It’s one of the things I hate about house phones. “Fuck!” I slam it against the wall and resort to the number I was given on a piece of paper.

“Come on....” The phone rings and rings, never anyone answering on the other end. I was so sure. So sure. 

“Fuck!” 

There’s a knock on my door and I rush to answer it. Maybe it’s her! Anticipating swells within me as I hesitate to reach for the doorknob. What if it really was her? How I longed to see her face. I sigh and close my eyes as I open the door. No amount of wishing and hoping would make her appear at my door. 

“Hey, Tobi. Jus checkin’ in on ya.” Jeff is here at my door, with his little cane as he shuffled his way into the apartment. Why the hell is he here?

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine. What do you want?” I watch him reach into his pocket to pull out a balloon. My mouth waters at the sight, half because of hunger and because i haven’t had a hit since before I fell asleep. 

A delivery. That’s what he’s here for. 

“Fucking right on time, old man.” I grin and go to my bedroom where I never sleep, but I keep some cash in there just in case. It’s pretty retarded of me, as I have no locks on my door and just about anyone can get in and grab it. For half a second, I worry they already have but I find a thin roll of 20s in a rubber band. Exactly $400. 

“Jesus H Christ.” I hear Jeffrey mumble and just before I walk in the living room, he’s hopping off my couch. “Smells like something died on there,” he covers his nose in disgust. 

I laugh. “Yeah, me.” 

We make a quick exchange and before I even really know it, I’m sinking into the couch, unaware of the stench, with the needle still in my arm. 

Dreams full of psychosis drift in and out as I come in and out of consciousness. It’s a wonderful feeling. I’m right where I belong. Right where I want to be. The best place to be. Well, not so much. I’m in the second best place there is to be. The first would be at that park with Rin, watching the clouds.

The last time. I can only really remember the last time. We were sixteen. Just twenty-seven hours before she died. Died? She didn’t die, no. Twenty-seven hours before she pretended she died. 

I remember green, all around us. Blurry rays of green and blue. Rin was quiet, we both were. Something about Kakashi. 

‘Obito.’

‘Obito, are you okay?’

Man how I miss her voice. I can almost hear it, as if she were really here. 

I remember she held my hand, leaned on my shoulder. We were basically cuddling on the grass. And then kids started to show up, ruining the peaceful atmosphere. 

‘Obito. You poor thing.’

I can almost see her, feel her. Taking my hand like she did that day. 

‘Come on.’

Pulling me up from drowning in my despair, she took my hand and led me through the darkness. Every single time. Why couldn’t I do the same for her? 

‘I’m sorry, Obito.’

I’m sorry too. 

•

Again, time passes me by and the room is filled with sunlight. I’m confused for awhile. But it hurts too much to be confused. I need water, and something to eat. I don’t even think I can wait 3 minutes. 

It hurts so much, I get up as quickly as possible when I tumble to the floor. I have to eat. 

My breakfast sandwiches. I need one. As I toss one in the microwave, plate forgotten, I reach for a cup to fill it with water but the fucking things slips out of my hand and shatters in the sink. 

Fuck it, I stick my mouth under the tap and gulp away like a dog. It’s only when I’m done and the microwave is beeping away that I notice my door is cracked open again. 

Lucky it’s warm today and I hadn’t noticed. As I chow down on my sandwich, I’m studying the calendar. February 27th. Wasn’t it her birthday yesterday? 

The food falls from my mouth when it’s left open in shock. Just how fucking long has it been since she called? Wait, Rin called? She’s alive? Right. Wait, what the fuck? Wasn’t that a dream?

I can’t really remember what she said... in the dream... it’s there.. she said something about Maria. Kakashi’s dog... 

On Maria’s grave. She called and said that... she was alive! She said she’s alive! 

Wait, what? She was gonna call! Or She called and had to hang up. Wasn’t I waiting for her to call again? 

Suddenly, my phone rings and I freeze for a millisecond. The next, I’m at my cellphone pressing ‘answer’.

“Hello? Rin?!”


End file.
